When it comes to writing, I have no trouble sharing my thoughts. It’s easier for me to put things in the written word compared to actually speaking to them. When it comes to making video content, that’s harder for me.
If I don’t have a script, I get nervous and chicken out. Even with one, sometimes I still get nervous and chicken out and I don’t post things. It’s why blogging has always been easier for me.
Why writing poetry is easier than making a video talking about how I feel. Even then though, the idea of publishing said poetry and putting it out into the world on something like Amazon by self-publishing terrifies me. I am not a poet.
At least, I don’t think of myself as one. But I also have a hard time sharing my thoughts because my anxiety gets the better of me. What if there’s some asshole online that doesn’t agree with me? Do I care if Steve from Utah doesn’t agree with me? No, but that doesn’t stop my mind from feeling overwhelmed by it.
I also am the only democrat in my family. Which means I constantly feel like the odd person out. To this day, people I know think I’m “not interested in politics” because I don’t talk about it with them. But anyone who follows me online knows it’s not the case.
But I don’t make myself findable for family anymore. It’s part of why I struggle with being myself. There’s a lot of things I want to talk about that I can’t. Or at least, my anxiety has made me feel like I can’t.
You might say, well, you don’t have to talk about everything. That’s true. But as someone who is a writer, it feels hypocritic to write about things like colonialism and war in fantasy settings then not say anything about it in real world circumstances. Or worse, to be someone like J.K. Rowling who writes whole books about those same subjects then uses their platform to harm a whole group of people.
I’ve got a long way when it comes to finding my voice, and being a good person, but I know what I believe is right and wrong. Hopefully, I’ll get to a point to where I can share that too.
With love,
Diana
Leave a Reply