I am thirty-five. Most days, I don’t have a problem with this. I never wanted to get married because I had a complicated upbringing. And I never wanted kids for the same reason. So, that doesn’t really give me pause that I’m older and alone.

What does give me pause sometimes though is job hunting. Since 2021, I’ve been off-and on without a job. A lot of it is mental health related. I struggle with anxiety which means sometimes just showing up for work can be hard.

Last May though, I went through my Vocational rehab and I was able to get funding for my bachelor’s degree in English with a concentration in screenwriting. But I still have to work.

The problem is though, I live in the middle of nowhere, and I only have an associate’s degree. I also have a learning disability which means I am not a good fit for manager roles.

That basically leaves me with retail jobs because that’s what I have around me. It’s been hard. I’m in my thirties, I’ve bounced from job to job recently, and employers don’t like that.

Today, I was set up to go for a job interview. I might have gone to the wrong store because there is more than one. The first mistake was setting it up for 9:00 a.m. and the second was thinking I would be a good fit for this place. I walked in, and it was all teenagers. They told me about the mix up and asked if I wanted them to call the other store to check.

I shook my head, and walked out, feeling like an idiot.

I know. A job is a job. Who cares as long as rent is paid? But I already knew I probably wouldn’t get it.

When I got out to my car, I was crying and frustrated. I put the radio on and this song came on. Sell Out by Big Reel Fish. I laughed a little on the way home, and felt better. Maybe it meant nothing, but it did feel a little like a sign in the moment.

Things are shit right now but I swear, they are going to be okay.