I am not a good activist. I know things, but I don’t actually do anything about the information I know. I still use subscription services I know are doing terrible things. I eat from fast food places I shouldn’t be eating at.
Maybe the worst part that I’m complicit in is I’m not involved in my own community even though I say I want to be. The thing is, I’ve never exactly felt like where I live was my community. But I’ve gotten to the point where I have been in Montana longer than I lived in California. So, even though it’s not where I want to stay, I should still care about it while I’m here.
I also don’t actually speak my mind about anything. I sit and I think things and I get quietly angry. But I have no follow through. I say that I am going to do things but I’m not doing things.
Getting a degree is a start but…what kind of person am I? The person with no follow through? Honestly, probably. I’m not happy about this. I start things and I don’t finish them which is why I’ve been stuck in the same place for over a decade. That, and money. But also, I don’t care enough.
I need to care more. I need to try more. And I need to be afraid less. And also, doing better means taking care of myself too so I can do the things I want to. Like actually be the kind of person that does things instead of nothing.
With love,
Diana
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