I work as a cashier. The thing of it is, it’s a simple job. I ring up customers and I make chit chat and it’s not that big of a deal. The problem is that I have social anxiety.
Which means that I am anxious ALL of the time because cashiering is a social activity. You have to smile. You have to do everything that the customer wants.
And it’s not just social anxiety. I was born with a heart condition called Tetralogy of Fallot. I have a hole in my heart that’s been repaired and will need repair multiple times. I’ve already had two surgeries in my life time. One when I was 13 months old and another in my twenties.
So, I have heart palpitations that cause me to be anxious. I constantly feel like I am in a flight or fight attack. And there’s a million things that can make it worse, so it’s just something that I have to live with.
Something like cold weather can make this worse.
I was at work today, cashiering, and my heart palpitations were going super-fast. I ended up having a panic attack. I tried to calm myself down enough to stay at work but I ended up leaving.
I felt like shit for leaving, but I wasn’t in a place to work. I don’t know what to do. The only job I am qualified for at the moment is cashiering. But I’m terrible at it.
With love,
Diana
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